bluegoodfairy on Xanga

Weblog

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

I love my xanga...it would break my heart to see all the years of my life documented here pop out of existence.

Wednesday, 05 December 2007

Rachel's Story

The Band Beat Allen, Scoring 5th out of 10 - Oct. 14
Announcer: "And in third place...Richardson High School!"
Band: *stands up to cheer instinctively, but ends up saying* "What???"
Announcer: "...it seems we've made an error in our calculations."
Band: "Our bad!"
And it was. XD

And now, life outside band!

TOBY ASKED ME TO HOMECOMING!

And it was super cute. He made a video echoing the homecoming skit we did last year in class- streamers in the fake tree and everything. And on the vid he said "Will you go to homecoming with me?" then walked through the F100 doors holding a bouquet of beads (they don't die like flowers) and hugged me and kissed me and it was so so so so sweet. I love him so much. I can't wait for homecoming, omg.

MR. ARCHILLA NEEDS TO CONTACT CRAYOLA!

During lunch, we were in the green room and Megan and Morgan were sharing their views on abstinence. Megan and Mollie think that it's stupid, cause what if, on your honeymoon, the dude sucks at it? Toby's response - if you've never done it, YOU WOULDN'T KNOW! Morgan is pro-abstinence. Quote: "I want some commitment! If I'm about to give a guy my womanhood--"

And Mr. Archilla walked through the door, smiling. And we all just about died laughing and blushing. Apparently, with THE DOOR WIDE OPEN and all, him and Mr. Mac were able to hear every word that had been said for about thirty minutes before Archilla came in to request a change of subject.

Quote Archilla: "I think we need to contact Crayola, because we just found about five new shades of red!"

THEATRE IS METAMORPHOSING INTO BAND!

Metamorphoses is awesome, but the actors aren't feelin the buzz. Their audience applauds and tells them they did great. Then their directors tell them differently. And so, as I said about band and Maur said was the best way to sum up metamorphoses: "We put our heart and soul in it, and in the end it's just not worth it." This distresses me. Theatre should not sink to being like band.

EMILY RAHM ROCKED THE PEP RALLY!

Emmy made a guest star appearance at the RHS pep rally! We did the cha cha slide with her. Teehee. And then she came to the game, spun with us a little, and was a little appalled that so much of this year's work was from other shows, AND that Mr. Torres has abandoned us completely. I missed her so much.

RACHEL G. BRAVED THE BAND KIDS!

This made me giggle. On Sat. morning, the band came outside to rehearse and we're all in our band shirts and shorts, we all look pretty much the same. We're coming out to get in our attendance block and I see a figure in BLACK pants and a BLACK shirt running towards me. No band kid is silly enough to come out here dressed like that.

It's Rachel, Super Techie! And she runs up to me looking panicky and a little crazy and says "Where's David?! We need David!" I turn and run past the tubas, trombones, and all low brass without even a glance and delve into the heart of the trumpet line. I find David and point back at Rachel, who says "David the center light is going CRAZY what do we do?!" The funniest part was that after all this urgency, David just said "Turn it off." with a silent DUH on the end. lol.

MR. G IS A NAZI!

And his name is Führer Mata.

Eight Days a Week - Oct. 15
FINALLY cast the senior show. *mutter mutter* and I'm Gloria and Hula Girl. Wooo. I was kind of pissed. But now that I really think about it, they're both pretty fun parts. Coconut bras and kissing Jon?

I'm a lucky, lucky girl. XDD

Wednesday, 28 November 2007

Le Gasp! She's Alive!

Been real busy with theatre and school and all. >.>

Oct. 3 - It's a Maze
Today feels so long. It was very rainy this morning, so the guard worked in the dark auditorium with only Edgar to keep us company.

I gave Alison a mini tour of the random things she wanted to see, like the costume shop and the props closet. She said she always hears people talk about these places but had no idea where they were or what they looked like. That was kinda fun.

I ended up spending most of band lying on the stage and starring at the ceilling of the auditorium, thinking about Heaven, Cats, and Holden Caufield (who, as aformentioned in my last post, I am becoming more obsessed with every day.) I want that part very badly. But the glow of the audition is fading and I'm starting to think it ain't gonna happen. But a girl can dream.

Failed the english test LIKE WOW. Reading the book might have helped a bit. Not sure about the physics test. I know the stuff but the wording confused me. So now Toby's gonna beat me again and be a jerk about it. -_-

Speaking of Toby, today's 8 months for us. And we're doing absolutly nothing. But yesterday we got our pic taken for the relationship page in the yearbook. Lol now we're OFFICIAL. XP

Anyway, on the topic I originally set out to write about. College is a POOPHEAD. *is very mature and sooo ready for college* But after coming to terms with the fact that I AM going to be far away, I AM going to be completely alone in the universe, it got easier. Accepting my unavoidable four year void of aloneness opened the door to the college maze. Art schools, big universities, famous teachers, auditions, applications. Now that I'm in here, it's time to begin my winding trek where inevitably I'll get very lost and scared, but in the end, I think I'll be okay.

College is such a depressing thought I could cry, but I won't. I'll be a big girl now and wave bye bye. Bye bye Texas. I'll miss you! Big kiss.

Oct. 4 - Holden Caulfield Doesn't Have Red Toenails
Fuck.

Okay, it coulda been worse. Caleb could have gotten it. I really am happy for Travis, he really wanted it.

But I did too.

And it feels like there's a knife sticking out of my chest with a sign hanging on it that says "Failure: Do Not Cast."

A Falling Star?
Metamorphoses?
Beauty and the Beast?

God. Toby was right, I suck. Okay so he never said that but he (jokingly?) implied it and he's fucking right.

I wrote my scene, that's apparently all I can contribute to the cause.

Fuck fuck fuck.

And I mean geeze, look at Toby! He didn't give a fuck about this play and at the last second he decided what he wanted and it was given to him on a silver platter. Stupid god damned boys! Get whatever the hell they fucking want. Not that Toby won't do good.

...

Travis was good. He'll do good.

But that isn't the least bit comforting.

...fuck.

And it's not like I'll ever get a chance to find Holden again. It's like losing someone you really wanted to meet, like losing a baby as it's born. God fucking damn it.

And I can't blame anyone but myself.

This blows.

I may not be Holden Caufield. I don't believe I'm the catcher in the rye.

But I might just fucking shoot someone anyway.

Oct. 12 - So Be Strong Tonight
"Sound the bugle now. Play it just for me.
As the seasons change, remember how I used to be."

I wanted to quit. Rehearsals drained me, directors yelled at me, and nothing was worth it. Me and Ali skipped out on the opening of the pep rally. We weren't in a very "peppy" place. I just wanted to quit.

"Now I can't go on. I can't even start.
I've got nothing left...just an empty heart."

I couldn't believe Jared, my best friend, was saying these things. I couldn't believe that when the whole band turned on us, my best friend would take Taylor's side. He ripped me to shreds, I physically hurt when he said it. Like in Metamorphoses, when Hector turns around and his bride whispers "Farewell." and I feel this burning in my chest and legs, a physical pain from emotion.

So you think you can love me and leave me to die?

"I'm a solider, wounded so I must give up the fight.
There's nothing more for me, lead me away...
Or leave me lying here."

2 New Messages
From: Toby
SON OF A BITCH! He's your best fucking friend!

From: Toby
FUCK THAT! Get up on your soap box, tell the guard what he said! Ask them if that's what they want the band to think of them! Show them y'all kick ass!

"Sound the bugle now. Tell them I don't care.
There's not a road I know that leads to anywhere."

1 New Message
From: Rachel
I would if I believed it anymore. I wish I could do that, but that's the kind of thing REAL leaders do, ya know?

"Without a light I fear that I will stumble in the dark,
Lay right down, decide not to go on."

1 New Message
From: Toby
You are a leader. You have the character inside you. Write her lines.

"Then from on high, somewhere in the distance
There's a voice that cries, 'Remember who you are!!!"

So words came from me. First to Torres alone, then the whole guard. And they all said things that somehow soothed the pain and rejuvenated the hope that I was so sure was dead. I was doing it, something I hadn't believed I would or could ever do again - I was leading. But more miraculous than that, I was caring. I was hoping.

My God. I was smiling.

"If you lose yourself, your courage soon will follow.
So be strong tonight.

Remember who you are."

'Alex, Sandi, you know what? I'm in a really good mood.'

And hugs were shared.

I performed the hell out of that show. I was having fun, I was smiling, and when mistakes were made, I spun the silk back into place, laughing as I went. Performance, the spark that had been missing for so long, the thing that made me so sad to have missed Metamorphoses and Beauty and the Beast- that high. I had it again. Somehow, I'd forgotten how to love guard, and suddenly I was remembering.

Halfway through segment 2, I spin around to find myself, if only for half a moment, meeting eyes with Jared. In a screenplay-esque manner, time seemed to slow down as in that moment, anger shot through me like electricity, a feeling I couldn't recognize. Hurt? Hate? For a moment, my captain character was shattered and I was reduced to tear-stricken Rachel. Weak Rachel. Talentless, hopeless, Eleanor Rigby Rachel.

And then I turned to face the crowd and somehow a smile reappeared on my face. In spite of hopelessness, in spite of everything, I felt like I was doing my best, and no one could ask more of me.

"Yeah! You're a solider now, fighting in a battle.
To be free once more- yeah, that's worth fighting for!"

******

Tuesday, 16 October 2007

Continued...

Sept. 19 - Where has all the love gone??

Ever since I was really little, I wanted a Prince. You know, a guy to love you forever and ever and to love back. That fairy-tale magic called True Love, I always had my heart set on that.

Ever since my mom was really little, she wanted daughters. She had her heart set on being a Mommy. I think all of us have something we really want at a young age. Not a career or an object, but some emotional something. Love, real love, whatever you believe that is. Love of a couple, love of a family, love of God, something.

I was lucky enough to find it, no matter if you believe me or not. Moments come to mind where I felt so calm, so content. Everything that was, is, or will be didn't affect me in any negative way. Everything was okay because I have Toby. I can make it through as long as I've got that.

And we talk about getting married. Having kids. We talk about the dog we'll have, the things we'll do and say day to day. Talk about how he'll teach theatre and I'll write and write and write. Talk about how we'll sleep in on Saturdays and open up a theater somewhere one day. Talk about perfect, talk about happiness.

Then I look around and see that NO ONE FUCKING LIVES LIKE THAT. Daddies work and work, Mommies become desperate housewives, sisters get pregnant, brothers go to jail. If that's what a family is, maybe I don't want to create one someday.

God. I mean, what, so you're in high school. And you're all in love. And life is far from simple but you think it'll be okay because you've got eachother. For now.

If no one else in the world has love, why should I get it? Why should I have a functional relationship? Why do I deserve that? I don't! No, I should be miserable with the rest of the world!

Or die young, before reality hits.

Oct. 2 - The Catcher in the Rye

I'm becoming mildly obsessed with Holden Caufield.

I wonder when we're posting the results of the auditions for the senior show. I wonder if anyone took me seriously. I wonder if I did well. I wonder what the final cast will be. I wonder wonder wonder wonder WHAT'S IN MY WONDER BALL?!?!

Does anyone remember wonder balls? God those rocked.

I'm not too worried about Caleb or Em-J. Travis, however, is a daunting competitior. But he'd be good, so if he gets it that's okay.

I'm so bored right now. I wanna go home and watch Flight of the Concords with Morgan.

I'd like it to rain.

Monday, 15 October 2007

Can it be really?

Sept. 13 - I Love

Life right now!

I love spinning flags, even if band kinda sucks.

I love power rangers!

I love drawing on Toby.

I love Trey!

I love sitting on top of a refrigerator.

I love painting the green room!

I love macaroni and cheese.

I love when film theory MAKES SENSE!

I love planning surprises.

I love YOU!!!!!

Sept. 14 - Today was thuper.

Caleb: "John your voice sounds like a frog's voice..."

Mac: "Caleb! John! You can talk about eachother on your date tonight, but right now be quiet and read!"

Caleb: *voice breaking, tearing up* "HE has to work!" *cry*

AND I CAN'T BELIEVE ALISON MISSED IT!

Sept. 17 - Tobear's Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOBY!

Had a pretty kickass weekend...the surprise party went great. Fifteen minutes in a closet with Travis, Em-J, Devora (whoooa, sp???), John Muir, and Erin. Lawls. John Chance & Brett serenaded us and Trey slapped Toby across the face (XD) and a good time was had by all.

Alll day Sunday I worked on more surprises for Toby. That took a LOT longer than I thought it would. ;;;;;;;; but it was fun. I made him a cake (the first thing I ever cooked!) that said "Toby" in Rent-style icing-spray-painted-ness that was kickass and I made him a CD with lotsa pictures and romanticalness and weee! He liked it all a lot, I'm really glad! ^_________^ Now all that's left is to get out of band early somehow tonight so we can go see a dollar flick, and today will have gone through perfectlly without a hitch!

<3333